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clownfish31
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Country: Canada
Metro: Montreal
Birthday: 3/19/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: Shooting hoops, traveling around the world, scuba diving.
Expertise: Love and basketball.
Occupation: Engineering
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/11/2005
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| The Art of Game // Conclusion //
It has taken me some time to finally sit down and write this conclusion. It has taken me some time. But I believe it was necessary to take my time with this one.
I think blogging creates a special relationship between the writer and the reader(s). Even if no one ever ends up reading a blog, it's there. It's a digital memory etched into the fabric of time. I read somewhere that once something is on the Internet, it's there forever. If that's the truth, then maybe I'll be lucky enough to have shared my words with at least a handful of people.
If you're reading this, then I hope it's worth your time. And I hope what I write is meaningful enough to change your life just a little bit. Or at the very least, I hope you enjoy reading about life as seen through my eyes.
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If I'm not mistaken, I started this series in January. It is now September. It's almost Autumn. I like this time of year the best. It's cooler at night and it's so comfortable getting lost in a sea of blankets. But this isn't about sleep. This is about life.
I always feel like I'm being some kind of all-knowing know-it-all whenever I say things like "this is about life". I'm not trying to pretend to be a know-it-all. There's just no other way to say it. This is seriously about life and the way I see it. There's no right or wrong here. There's only my point of view.
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I had a life-changing experience at the beginning of September. I fulfilled a dream of mine when I jumped out of a plane and parachuted to the ground. I was in tandem, so it wasn't a solo jump. But that day changed my life forever. When people say that your life flashes before your eyes ... I think it's just something people say.
As unnatural as it felt to jump out of a plane, and as close to a near-death experience skydiving was, I don't think my life ever flashed before my eyes. It was only then that I realized how alive I was. It was only then that I felt like I was living. And then I apologized to myself. I apologized for not living much sooner. But I also knew that I couldn't blame myself. It takes time to experience life. It just takes time. But sometimes, the only one holding you back is yourself. And that's why I apologized.
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So after nine months of living this social experiment, what can I say that I haven't already said? I can't say that I'm living life as an experiment anymore. I am who I am now. I'm not going to turn back into who I was nine months ago.
On a side note, I just realized the significance of nine months. Maybe I'm reborn. But even that's too ridiculous an analogy for me, so I will leave that one alone.
I try to keep all the new tools I've learned with me at all times. And it's funny, because often I'll just strike up a conversation with a random (person) and I'll catch them off-guard, as if they never expected to talk to someone at that moment in time. But once you make that connection, it's not difficult to continue talking. People talk all the time. So why should it be hard to talk to someone you've just met? The only difference is that you're strangers. But at one point or another, everyone in your life was a stranger. Think about that. Really think about that.
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I feel like if I don't write at least a little bit about the opposite sex, you'll be disappointed!
So what's it like now that I'm being more out-going? I don't know. Women are still the same, even if I've tried to change. They're unpredictable. They're hard to read. They're moody. They're from Venus. But most importantly, they're still quite interesting.
Talking to other men pales in comparison to talking to females. With males, you can keep a conversation going forever if you talk about key things. These key things are: cars, sports, video games, alcohol and women. With women, you never know. And I guess that's why it's often intimidating to talk to the opposite sex.
I've definitely met a lot of potential females over the last nine months. And it's a lot easier to tell now when I've got chemistry with someone. Often, a little too easy. That's the biggest difference. When you get used to talking to random people, you learn to pick up on the little things that used to slip by. But there's no secret to success. Just be yourself. If you don't like yourself first and foremost, it'll be that much harder for someone else to like you back.
In the end, men are still from Mars and women are still from Venus. And that's all I can say with certainty.
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Finally, I think the most profound lesson I've learned from all this is that people fall into two general categories, which I have unofficially labeled as Readers and Writers.
A Reader is someone who feeds off of the Writer. They absorb things that the Writer says, but never really contribute back. They can answer questions and go on and on about anything communicated by the Writer, but what they're mostly good at is responding to the Writer.
A Writer is someone who can talk for what seems to be forever. They are extremely talkative and fuel a conversation with ease. They are the type who keep a conversation going, and most Readers respond well to Writers.
Now, of course, people don't fall exactly into two categories. There are happy middle grounds for everything, but you'll notice, depending who you're talking to, that you're either a Reader or a Writer. Sometimes there's a balance between the two of you and you switch from a Reader to a Writer.
What I'm writing may seem obvious or nonsensical but I think it's valid. Have you ever tried talking to someone who just can't hold a conversation? You'll ask them a hundred questions and they'll answer them, but it seems like if you don't keep talking, the conversation goes dead? That's talking to a Reader.
Or have you ever tried talking to someone and couldn't squeeze in a word? That's talking to a Writer. Maybe you're both Writers. Maybe you're both Readers. But that's making conversation. Not everyone's the same. But personality is a pretty difficult thing to change. So most of the time, you'll find yourself tending towards being either a Reader or a Writer.
Personally, I'm somewhere in between at this point. I try to be a Writer, but I'll sometimes tend back towards being a Reader, particularly in large crowds of strangers. But that's something I'm ultimately working on.
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That's pretty much it. I'm not quite sure when I'll get the chance to write again. I'm heading off to Europe this weekend for a much needed three-week vacation. Part of my trip is to visit my sister in Moscow! Nobody ever talks about going to Russia, which is exactly why I want to go. And life is just too short to be afraid of doing what you've always wanted to do, even if no one else wants to do it or tells you not to do it.
I would love to write about my trip. But that will have to wait, at least, until I'm back home.
Except ... I won't lie to you. This might be goodbye. Nothing in life is for sure. But no regrets, yeah? It's the only way to live.
The only way.
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| The Art of Game // Part V //
I was at a "5 à 7" last week after work, having a drink with some coworkers. The bathrooms at the pub we were at had no doors, no gender signs and were only blocked by a curtain for both male and female bathrooms.
On my way out of the bathroom, I ended up having a conversation with two random girls who were coming out of the women's bathroom.
Girl1: "What a strange idea ... "
Girl2: "I know! How are you supposed to know which bathroom to go into?"
Me: "You just guess."
Girl1: "I know!"
Me: "I mean, if you walk in and hear a bunch of people yelling, you got it wrong."
Girl1 and Girl2: *giggle*
Girl2: "Is that what happened to you?"
Me: "No, but it would have made for a great story."
Girl1: "I totally agree!"
Me: "At the very least, it's a good topic of conversation."
Girl2: "They bring people together, these ambiguous bathrooms."
Me: "They really do."
I excuse myself to go back to my coworkers.
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I've put together a "Top 6" list of things that I've learned so far from my social experiment. The list is in no particular order, and is essentially a compilation of the most significant things I have come to realize or understand about myself and about others.
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1. I love being a wingman.
Nothing beats pushing a friend to their limits, especially when I see a lot of my old self within them.
2. Anyone will talk about anything (as long as you make it sound interesting).
Although short and to the point, the bathroom conversation I had with those two girls is a solid example of this. Likewise, I recently had a conversation with a girl about why Red Bull turns bright yellow under black light. And it was in French. My French sucks!
3. A smile goes a long way.
People just respond better to someone who smiles. Learn to do this well if you want people to like you. Try smiling at a stranger once in a while. You'd be surprised how many smile back. I was.
4. We all want what we can't have.
This is just human nature. Men want what we can't have. Women want what they can't have. Men want women they can't have. Women want men they can't have. Use this to your advantage rather than suffer because of it.
5. Conquer your fears.
Nothing can't be overcome with a little confidence. Fear is in your head. It only exists because you let it exist.
6. Learn from your mistakes.
If you want to change who you are today, you must criticize who you were in the past and learn from the mistakes you've made. But don't be afraid to make mistakes, because you need to learn from them.
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Ultimately, I'm starting to question whether or not I should continue writing about this stuff. I look at it from someone else's point of view. If I were someone else reading this, I probably wouldn't completely appreciate or understand the meaning behind everything without having ever experienced it myself.
Sure, maybe it might be an interesting read for some, or maybe completely boring for others. I guess, in the end, this is a way for me to document how much progress I've really made with a slight change in my own behavior, mentality and attitude.
Actually, in the last couple of minutes, I've decided to finish with a solid conclusion sometime in the near future.
Until then, take care.
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| The Art of Game // Part IV //
We don't talk anymore, and maybe one day we can change that.
The last few months have been an uphill battle. But I've finally come to terms with old wounds. Finally. I hope you've made peace with it as well. I hope you've moved on with your life.
I lay down on a beach one night in Curacao last month while I was on vacation. I stared up at the night sky until I saw a shooting star. I wished that we could both be free of any guilt we feel and that whatever happened in the past was for the best.
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I live a double life now. Somewhat of a duel identity. I don't like to pretend I'm someone I'm not. So for the people who have always known me, I'm more or less the same person. Maybe there are some changes, but I'm more or less the same.
But anyone else who has met me in the last few months have met a different me. I'm kind of contradicting myself. How can I be two different personalities at the same time? I can't. Maybe I just hide one from the other. The point is, my social experiment has evolved to the point where it's not really an experiment anymore. It's become who I am.
Which is totally cool, because I've made so many new friends these last few months, partied like I've never partied before and done some pretty ridiculous things.
And ... yeah. I know I keep promising to write stories. But honestly, living life is so much more interesting than talking about it. So I'll leave it at that for now.
I hope all is well with you, reader. Take care.
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| The Art of Game // Part III //
Dear Friend(s), Subber(s) and Anonymous Reader(s),
The past few months have been a little busy for me, which might explain the lack of posts. I had to put my little social experiment on hold for a while, but when I say "on hold", really I just mean I haven't been actively going out of my way.
But I'm definitely already a much different person than I was back when I first decided to start this thing. Talking to random people is no longer as hard as it used to be. And it continues to get easier as the days go on. I promise to keep writing when I get the chance. My social experiment isn't over, afterall.
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I turned 25 on Monday, which wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. In fact, I didn't even worry all that much, to tell you the truth. I've never felt younger or healthier in my life, and that's not a lie I tell myself to stay positive. I truly do feel that way. And maybe this experiment of mine has contributed to the way I feel.
This is probably the first time I've had to reflect on my life in a long time. And now, as I sit here and type this entry, I can't say I've lived a bad life. The ridiculous things that happened in my youth, my teenage years and now my young adulthood ... it's all part of growing up.
Crashing a car at the age of six, checkbox love notes, death, Fortune and her fortune cookies, hernia scars, Australia, The Speech, CAPSgurl, proposing to a stuffed giraffe, being on crutches, love, saving drowning kids, Sheep, stolen fund-raiser money, an old couple in love, Mitsukoshi, 9/11, teaching English in Taiwan, getting hit on by Godiva chocolate lady and then taking advantage of her by eating eight US dollars worth of chocolates for free, New York City, countless hours flying around the globe, The Game, saying the F-word during a puppet show in front of teachers, stories about giving cookies to my grandmother ...
I think I got it all wrong. I thought moving forward meant leaving my past behind me in a torrent of memories that painted a blurry picture of who I used to be. Moving forward does not mean you sacrifice your past. Moving forward means letting your past define who you will be in the future. And that's the damn truth.
No regrets,
George
P.S. A female friend of mine recently read The Game, and she has this crazy story about how she met some guys running a pick-up workshop here in Montreal. Long story short, the #1 reason not to become a robotic pick-up artist is because you get caught by people who know better.
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| The Art of Game // Part II //
It's been about a month since I started my social experiment. And so far I've seen nothing but good results.
There's a story about a waitress at a restaurant called Nickel's here in Montreal who shamelessly hit on me as I uncomfortably tried to shoot her down because she was really really really not my type.
There's a story about a waitress who was more of my type, who hit on me the same way the Nickel's waitress did, which was fun, but nothing really materialized because I didn't pursue it any further than flirting.
There's a story about yet another waitress at a coffee / dessert place called Rockaberry's ...
But like I said, this experiment wasn't about picking up women. I somewhat expected this to happen, but I'm also unprepared for it. I'm unprepared because I broke up only a couple of months ago. Even though I often tell myself or feel as though I'm completely over the relationship, there are days where I struggle to make peace with it.
I guess this is what happens when you loved someone more than you loved yourself.
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There are also a lot of stories about the people I run into on a daily basis. I've become much more social at work, at the gym, at the mall and even within my group of friends.
I've become much more aware of my complex social surroundings, and this has led me to be more confident in myself. This confidence seems to be radiating from me now. It radiates from me when I laugh, when I talk, when I walk into a room and even when I'm just sitting around, minding my own business.
Talking to strangers is much easier now. At the gym, I've basically
introduced myself or talked to most of the people that I see on a
regular basis. At work, I've forced myself to try to become the center
of attention. When I walk into a public place, I'll make solid eye
contact with strangers if I notice them looking at me. Before, I'd
just quickly look away.
In a way, I feel much more arrogant. I'm not sure arrogance is the right word. But it seems to describe what has happened to me. I'll say things or ask questions that I never would have asked before. I guess this is what happens when you become an alpha male. You stink of confidence and arrogance. And people are completely attracted to it.
Or maybe I've just opened my eyes more and realized that I have qualities that people actually like.
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During this first month, the most interesting thing that's happened, or I should say person that I've met, is Gymgurl.
Gymgurl is significant because she was basically the first person I decided I should talk to in order to start my experiment. And the first time we talked, it was kind of a strange conversation. I wouldn't say it was bad. But I wouldn't say it was good either. It was just one of those moments where two people talk for a minute, then move on with their lives. Or in this case, somewhat start to become friends.
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I first noticed Gymgurl around Christmas. She's attractive but blonde, which I usually wouldn't go for. But lately, I've been much more attracted to non-Asian girls.
At first, I didn't talk to Gymgurl. I'd just see her around the gym on a fairly regular basis. But we never talked. Eventually, after a couple of weeks, I decided I saw her often enough to at least say "hello" to her. So that's what happened.
Whenever I saw her at the gym, I'd say "Hi" and smile. And she would smile back and say "Hello". And we did this for about a week before I finally talked to her for real. It happened one day when she was using one of the machines that I wanted to use. And when it looked like she was done with it, I decided I would talk to her. This was basically our first conversation:
"Hi! I was wondering if you were done with the Smith Machine?"
Gymgurl pulls out the earbuds for her MP3 player.
"Hey! Yeah, I'm all done."
"Awesome. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you ... did you go to Abbott? I'm asking because you look familiar and I think it's from Abbott."
"Yeah! I went to Abbott!"
"That's what I though! When were you there? 2000? 2001?"
"Umm ... umm ... umm ... "
This is the hilarious part of the conversation, because at this point, Gymgurl is literally saying "umm" for about fifteen seconds. And I'm standing there, like a jackass, waiting for her to figure out when she was a student at Abbott. Fifteen seconds of hearing someone say "umm" is a very long time.
" ... "
"2004-2005!", she finally answered.
"Really? So I guess that means it's impossible that I know you from Abbott ... "
And then we laughed about it. One of those uncomfortable, awkward laughs to break the silence when something utterly stupid like this happens. Or at least it seemed utterly stupid to me.
Gymgurl and I have talked a few times since then. We've introduced ourselves and talked about random things. She has a pretty serious boyfriend, so my intentions are only to make conversation with her whenever we're at the gym.
Though I've now learned that even girls who have boyfriends will shamelessly flirt with you.
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I decided to write about Gymgurl because she taught me that I'm capable of having conversations with anyone. She's basically the most attractive girl I've ever randomly talked to. And ever since then, even though I'm still shy, I've been able to make conversation with just about anyone.
Things are looking good. I'm learning every day. I often wish I decided to do this when I was much younger. But, it's not about what you didn't do right in the past. It's about what you've learned from your mistakes.
And so far, I think I'm moving in the right direction.
// To Be Continued //
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